How to Get Culled
by flipomatic
Summary: Of course, he had to be cautious about meeting new trolls; if any of them found out about his blood color they'd certainly try to cull him. Karkat was decent with a sickle, but if he killed somebody there would be no way to escape the drones. They would capture and kill him. Even if he lived to maturity, the imperial drones would cull him when he submitted his first bucket. Karezi


Author Note: So I wrote this as a potential entry for HSWC main round 3 for team Karezi. The theme was 'taboo'. My story didn't end up getting entered, but I'm still happy with the way it turned out.

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck or any part of Homestuck.

* * *

Karkat Vantas stared at his husktop blankly, wondering if he could use his brilliant hacking skills to make this new t-aim program into a virus. It ran much more efficiently than troll-msn, actually sent every message instead of deleting them mysteriously, and was quickly becoming the most popular chat client on Alternia. Karkat only had a few trolls on his troll list, though his other friends promised they would accept his trolling requests soon.

Sollux had actually sent him the username of a new troll to talk to, somebody called gallowsCalibrator. He said she was a pretty cool troll, technologically savvy, cunning, intelligent, and manipulative. In other words, everything a blue-blooded troll should be. Karkat doubted she would even want to talk to him, but Sollux seemed pretty sure they'd get along.

Of course, he had to be cautious about meeting new trolls; if any of them found out about his blood color they'd certainly try to cull him. Karkat was decent with a sickle, but if he killed somebody there would be no way to escape the drones. They would capture him, take him to court, and kill him.

He nearly jumped out of his seat when a chat window popped up. The new chat client beeped obnoxiously, and Karkat swore to deactivate it when he had the chance.

* * *

- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -

GC: H3Y :]

GC: W4NN4 PL4Y 4 G4M3?

CG: WHAT IS THIS PILE OF IDIOCY THAT HAS LANDED ON MY LAWNRING?

CG: SOME TEAL BLOODED FOOL WHO HAS THE AUDACITY TO TROLL ME.

CG: I MIGHT AS WELL GO GRAB MY BROOM TO SWEEP AWAY THE SHEER STUPIDITY.

GC: WOW

GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T'S 4 NO TH3N

CG: YES, YES IT IS.

GC: MY N4M3S T3R3Z1

GC: WH4T'S YOURS?

CG: FIRST YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME, AND NOW YOU WANT TO KNOW MY NAME.

CG: THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE MOVIES WHERE THE CRAZY TEAL BLOOD FINDS AN AXE AND STARTS KILLING EVERYONE IN SIGHT IS IT?

CG: FIRST YOU WANT MY NAME, NEXT IT WILL BE THE LOCATION OF MY HIVE.

CG: SO HELL NO.

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4

GC: HOW 4BOUT 1 C4LL YOU C4RLOS

GC: YOU S33M L1K3 4 C4RLOS

CG: THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS FUCKING NAME I'VE EVER HEARD.

CG: KARKAT IS A WAY BETTER NAME THAN DAMN CARLOS

GC: K4RKL3S IT IS THEN :]

CG: WHAT?

Karkat wondered if he was suffering from the troll disease called friendship.

* * *

Terezi trolled Karkat every couple of days after that. One week she didn't message Karkat at all, and he actually gathered the guts to instigate a conversation with her. She laughed at him for being worried, but he could tell she was glad he cared. After a while she started talking about meeting in real life. She wanted to have drawing sessions, or flarp together, or just meet up so she could lick him.

Karkat ignored the suggestions at first, deliberately steering the conversation away from the topic. He only talked about his hive in vague terms, avoiding giving away its exact location.

Terezi, of course, had no such reservations. She even drew a map of her forest just in case he ever decided to visit.

He never planned on taking her up on that offer; it was simply too dangerous. His blood color would get them both culled. Never meeting was the best way to keep himself alive. Especially since she wanted to be a legislacerator; if she found out he was a mutant then she would hunt him to his grave.

Despite these fears, Karkat didn't stop talking to her. He even started to wonder if she would fit into one of his quadrants, the one of the flushed variety. But that also wasn't a possibility.

Even if they met and she didn't want to cull him, they would never be able to fill buckets together. Any imperial drone would recognize the mutant red color and kill the pair on the spot. Terezi would be dragged along into his doomed fate.

So Karkat resigned himself to talking to Terezi from afar. Pretending like her flirting didn't draw him further and further into her clutches. Spending each day ignoring his flushed feelings.

* * *

The game, though many would call it a curse, was truly a blessing for Karkat. He got his chance to be a leader and lead his team to victory. It was what he was hatched for.

The game also saved him from being culled. At seven sweeps he would've been expected to start contributing pails, and that would have been the end of him. He would never let his friends risk culling for him, and would have had nothing to present when the drones came.

But now he could fill his quadrants without worrying about the drones. Being one of the last twelve trolls in existence meant his blood color was now no rarer than yellow or even fuchsia. The only risk of being culled now was if Ampora actually carried out his promise to kill all land dwellers.

Even though the population was greatly decreased, Karkat already had a candidate in mind for his matesprit. He had already spent two sweeps talking to Terezi and was head over heels for her. He cherished every word as they scrolled across his screen.

The game also provided a chance to finally meet Terezi face to face.

There was still a chance she might cull him on sight, but he had his doubts. She'd already seen him through the viewport and hadn't said anything about his blood color. Though she had cackled rather ominously.

After Terezi entered the game, Karkat hopped through the gate to her planet. He made sure to carefully bandage his stab wound first; better safe than sorry.

She was waiting for him outside her hive, and he approached in silence. He wondered if she was still interested in being matesprits. She might not even want anything to do with him anymore. Things had been tense ever since she went blind, and Karkat finally realized how it felt to be on the other end of the unknown.

They both clung their secrets to their chests, neither one willing to give in first. Tension built as the distance between them decreased.

Karkat came to a halt in front of her, and she tapped her cane against his ankles. Terezi grinned up at him, a mouth full of shark teeth on display.

"Your horns really are nubby." She giggled, popping the tension like a bubble.

Karkat relaxed, letting go of his worries.

He reached up to pick the forbidden fruit.

And this time, nothing stopped him.

* * *

End Note: Thanks for reading


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